I could have had cake

I could have had cake okay. It was somebody's birthday up here. I won't tell you who because frankly that's none of your DAMN business. But there was cake to be had, and it's still there, and I am resisting it. Even though I am slightly hungry. And normally that means I will eat 8 pounds of food. Which makes me think of crawfish, which takes like 8 pounds in order to fill anybody because the shells are so heavy.

There is a whole lot of food sharing around here, which probably explains why everybody up here is a bunch of tubby lards, except for the cokeheads, which I'm assuming exist here because there are some unnaturally thin people walking around. That general who was in the news recently for telling Rolling Stone all his business is reported to sleep only three hours a day and eat only one meal a day, and he's very thin. I would like to do something like that. But in general, I enjoy the thought of doing many weird things. Like, for example, drinking only milk, not eating anything at all. This is A. Very hard, and B. Not so great for weight loss as it seems. I tried doing the milk thing for a few days, and the success was less then great. I've heard of people who eat only one thing, like one guy who only eats pizza, one large pepperoni pizza every day, and is in fine health and not overweight at all. So I'm thinking that perhaps it is actually possibly to eat only one thing, no matter what it is, and still lose weight, like if you only ate a certain kind of cereal and nothing else. That's an example but I'm not sure how well it works when you mix cereal with milk, although if it works with pizza which mixes everything imaginable together then surely it'll work with any food, as long as you stick to only that food.

And I do like the idea of eating only one thing all the time. Unfortunately, I like the idea of eating everything all the time much better. Variety, as they say, is the spice of life. And when I hear about all the amazing and fantastic combinations of food out there I just can't imagine not trying it all. Just the fact that you can wrap anything in bacon and make it sound delicious is enough to screw the 'eat only one thing' plan up entirely. Shrimp wrapped bacon, pork wrapped in bacon, even cream cheese stuffed jalapenos wrapped in bacon. Bacon is a magic food.
Anyways, I may go ahead and start a fasting clock, problem is I don't remember what time it was when I last ate. I had some sort of overpriced ham/cheese sandwich today, although the bread was rather enjoyable. Then, I had four peanut butter cups. The big size, not that little gay size. I don't remember when I had those, but I think I could be pretty safe and assume that I had them at 2p, since it is 3:34p right now (CST). So, my fast clock will retroactively be applied at 2PM. I have officially been on a hunger strike for 94 minutes. It is hell.

Now, what if I begin blogging by the hour concerning my fasting clock? I can't realistically do this considering that I generally like to sleep at least once a day, but I can provide frequent updates, will that satisfy you savages? I think it's cute how I pretend like people are actually reading this.
Okay, I am off work at 5PM, in 84min, so I will try to update the millions of you dedicated to this blog when I get off work. It's amazing that I've gotten that many followers since I only started this blog about an hour ago, but in my head I am always very successful very quickly.